Our third attempt at Christmas “parenting”…

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Christmas Three

I thought you might enjoy hearing about the nice family Christmas celebrated in our house this year.

6:00 AM.  Mom gets up to start Christmas dinner early enough that she can work without child under foot.

6:01 AM.  Child wakes up.

6:02 AM.  Dad sends child back to bed and then runs downstairs to light the tree, check presents, and line things up for a picture of child coming down the steps on Christmas morning.

6:05 AM.  Dad goes back to get child out of bed for the big day.  Child responds: “No!  Don’t want to!” should have all gone back to bed at this point.

6:08 AM.  Child comes down steps out of focus (not where Dad had lined up the picture) runs across the living room with all the new presents and hops on her tricycle…which she got last year for her birthday.

6:10 AM.  Child opens presents: books, stove, crayons.

6:15 AM.  Mom opens presents: crepe maker, sweater.

6:20 AM.  Dad opens present: note that explains that Dad’s Christmas is on back-order.

6:25 AM.  Dad walked the dog.  He ran away in the snow. The dog, not Dad.

10:20 AM.  With guests arriving between 10:30 and 11:00 Mom yells to Dad: “The drains clogged!”

10:21 – 10:55 AM.  Dad plunges, poures, pounds, scoopes.  Still clogged.

11:00 AM.  Dad heads to the basement with wrench to fix clog or anything else that gets in the way.

11:01 AM.  Begins turning plug.  Mom asks if we should get out of our good clothes.  Dad says: “Heck no, this is simple.”

11:02 AM.  Water begins spraying.  Mom takes off her new sweater.  Dad shakes his head at the unbeliever.

11:03 AM.  Plumbing lesson is learned as water, onion skins, fur balls, and other interesting things arc 5 feet through the air, missing the ice chest held under the plug, but not missing Mom and Dad.

11:04 AM.  Dad says: “Good thing you took off your new sweater.”

11:07 AM.  Guests arrive, 13 of them, all at once. Dad’s family brought food, gifts, and their poodle.  Surprise!  Moms family brought food, gifts, and brother-in-law’s kamikaze dog.  It hits everything.

11:30 AM.  Dinner is running late.  We’ll open presents first.  Dad opened his . . . new calculator . . .  Works fine as long as you don’t need a 2, a 7, or multiple anything . . . those keys don’t work.  Dad opened another . . . a game.  Looked challenging.  Looked exciting.  Also look just like the one sitting in the closet.  Dad opened one more . . . hoped for a food dehydrater . . . found a sterling silver coffee server.  Pretty, but not much for drying apricots.